


Fix-It Fic

by malafight



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, its only jaspidot if you squint tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 21:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15397890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malafight/pseuds/malafight
Summary: An alien gets too invested in a fictional human, written by a human too invested in a fictional alien. Peridot is excited about the upcoming episode of Camp Pining Hearts; Jasper, not so much.





	Fix-It Fic

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% a vent fic because I needed to get out feelings. I'm posting it mostly because I haven't posted anything in 50 years and maybe some validation (of my feelings or my writing) will help me get motivated to write more.
> 
> This is another fic that probably gives way too much information about my own past and mental issues/trauma and I apologize.
> 
> Note: I'm not caught up to canon due to how bad it's been for my mental health, so I'm also sorry if I fucked anything up there.

Jasper was going through forms out in the sunlight, enjoying the feeling of movement with each change in position, just wanting to keep herself in top shape, take her mind off of other matters. She was interrupted in a Stalking Coeurl position when Peridot came streaking through the grass towards her.

“There’s a new episode of _Camp Pining Hearts_  tonight at 7:30/6:30 central!” she chirped in excitement. “Let’s go get ready for it! I can’t wait!”

Jasper glanced over at Peridot and a pained look crossed her face for a brief moment before disappearing into her usual resting scowl. She sank back down into Stalking Coeurl and moved flawlessly into First Faerit, taking a stabilizing breath before uttering a gruff, “I’m good,” and flowing into Second Faerit.

Peridot looked confused, and then crestfallen. Her shoulders slumped and her voice took on an even whinier quality.

“What? You mean… you don’t wanna watch it with me? But you make such a big, soft, solid chair--”

“No,” Jasper said gruffly, sweeping her arms across her body and sinking into a perfect Felid Hunting Crouch.

Peridot looked like she was about to cry.

“But- I though- you loved the show as much as me? I love watching it with you- it’s- it’s not the same without you there- why don’t you want--”

“Just hush!” Jasper snapped, standing up straight and growling at Peridot, gold eyes flashing dangerously. Peridot shrank back, for a moment looking genuinely afraid before she clenched her fists and yelled back.

“Fine! I’ll watch it _without_  you, you stupid, insensitive, ugly _CLOD!_ ”

Jasper turned away as Peridot ran off, looking angry for just a few more moments before what had happened finally sank in. Her whole body deflated and she let out a sigh, face falling. A look crossed her face that made it seem like she was about to cry. She shook her head and tried to focus on her forms again, but was unable to remember where she’d stopped, so she just stood still for a few long seconds, staring at the sky almost longingly. She shook her head and closed her eyes before walking in the opposite direction. She hadn’t meant to hurt Peridot, but that-- doesn’t really change the fact that she did, does it?

After some idle walking, lost in thought, she found herself on the edge of the lighthouse cliff, overlooking the ocean. She settled down with her legs dangling out into the air, a light wind blowing her mane of wild hair in first one direction and then another. The waves crashed against the shore as she watched, a constant push and pull of energy, the water slowly but surely eating away at the earth. Her gaze flickered up to the setting sun, then out across the water, light dancing over the sea and flickering over the breakers as sparkling submerged gemstones.

Jasper shuddered and sighed and looked upwards, trying not to think. She just wanted to stop hurting, wanted to stop hating herself for something this fucking _stupid_. She searched the darkening sky like the first tiny pinpoint stars had some sort of answer, and all she found was the dark and resounding depths of thoughts she couldn’t shake off. There were memories she didn’t want to have, soft insidious voices she didn’t want to hear.

Peridot hadn’t deserved her ire. It wasn’t Peridot’s fault. It was her own-- _inadequacy_  that she should be mad at, not the little former techie who was doing her best.

Peridot’s best seemed to be working pretty well for her, Jasper mused. Her own…

She sighed.

Her best never felt like enough, no matter how much she tried to be better, how much she tried to leave behind what she’d been once-- been for as long as she can remember.

The sun had set by the time she realized she’d been staring. The horizon had provided her something stable to latch on to and let her mind go, allow the thoughts tumbling around in her head to slow some, quell the voices whispering things she hated hearing because of how right they were. As she found thought again, she regretted it, immediately longing for the not-unpleasant fog of near-nothingness to settle back upon her.

Her thoughts were a snarl again, not even a moment of clarity gleaned from her detachment, and she furrowed her brow, frowning, looking down at the beach below. A thought crossed through her mind in a flash, a flickering insinuation, just a brief moment to wonder how long it would take for the sea to beat her gem to sand.  
  
Longer than the eternity she’d already spent down there, she supposed. Not long enough and too long all at once-- a feeling she couldn’t put her finger on, and she couldn’t tell whether it was the feeling itself or the uncertainty that made anger boil within her.

She gritted her teeth and felt her hackles raising, then took a deep breath and gave in to the rising fire of rage, the heat spreading in her chest familiar and almost soothing. Her scowl broke into a pointed, predatory grin, gold eyes flickering with inner light, and she felt energy flowing through her, and for a few seconds she felt- maybe not _okay_ , but she felt _something_. And something familiar was better than what she’d been before.

“Jasper?”

The snarl of anger broke over her in an instant at the sound of Peridot’s voice, and she turned too quickly, still half-bestial, and from where Peridot was balancing on a metal disc in midair, she flinched and lost her balance. Instinctively, Jasper was there to catch her before she hit the ground, traces of her previous anger dispelled into immediate action. Peridot was curled into a ball in her massive arms, and for a few long moments all Jasper could do was look at the frightened gem in- near __horror__ , really, at the realization that Peridot wasn’t afraid of the fall -- she seemed afraid of __her__.

Peridot had never been frightened of anything Jasper did before she came to Earth, and then- things… _happened_ , and something changed. In the everyday, Peridot remained- _herself_ , but then- there were some times… when Jasper turned too quickly, when she accidentally raised her voice louder than normal or unexpectedly, when she seemed angry about- little things, inconsequential things… those were the times when Jasper started seeing _fear_  in the little tech gem. Fear she’d never seen before.

She knew why. Peridot had seen her--

Jasper shook her head and shifted Peridot into one arm, prodding as gently as she could muster with her other hand. Her voice lowered to a soft rumble.

“Hey… brat. You’re safe.”

Peridot opened one eye and seemed to spring back to herself.

“Hah! Of course I am! I knew you’d catch me!”

Despite the thoughts bogging her down, Jasper couldn’t help but let out a gruff little laugh.

“You did?”

Peridot rearranged herself in Jasper’s arms, showing absolutely no intention of moving to the ground instead. She crossed her arms and closed her eyes, talking with a self-assuredness that Jasper sometimes found herself actually envious of.

“I did. You wouldn’t let me fall. You like me too much. I’m The Great and Adorable Peridot!”

“You’re a brat is what you are,” Jasper said with a huffy laugh. Peridot opened her eyes and looked The Most Offended before giving Jasper a cuff on the cheek; it clearly wasn’t meant to hurt, and instead just led to Jasper tilting her head to one side and laughing a bit more as she felt the tension between her shoulders uncoiling a bit.

She carried the bundle of gem over to the edge of the cliff and settled back down to look out at the moon reflected in the water. Peridot squirmed a bit, getting more comfortable, and Jasper just sighed, dealing with knees and elbows and feet poking and prodding with all the exasperated patience of a longsuffering dog.

Once Peridot seemed adequately comfortable, Jasper looked back down at her. She’d settled down on her back like she was using Jasper’s crossed legs like a hammock, one foot resting on her knee and her hands crossed behind her head.

“Really?” Jasper asked.

“You wouldn’t come be my chair to watch _Camp Pining Hearts_. So I’ve come to make you my chair here instead.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow.

“Instead?” She looked up and around, unable to tell the time without the sun in the sky. “Shouldn’t the episode be on by now?”

Peridot shrugged.

“Yeah, but I can watch it later. I’d rather have a chair.”

Jasper just… sighed, trying not to show the spike of _pain_  that lanced through her at the thought of the television show. Actual, physical pain--

“So why don’t you wanna watch it with me?” Peridot asked. Jasper flinched and looked down at her, expression briefly open and surprised before she set it back into her usual scowl and just shrugged.

“It’s stupid,” she grumped, hunched over and looking out over the water. “I’m tired of it.”

A green foot popped up to bump against Jasper’s chin.

“Liar.”

Jasper looked Indignant as she looked back down at Peridot, full lips drawn into a tight frown and eyebrows furrowed. For a flash of a second, an expression of almost-fear crossed Peridot’s face, but then she regained her composure and squirmed a bit to reach up and poke Jasper’s cheek.

“I’ve seen the way you look when I mention it,” Peridot said, her voice unusually gentle. “Like you’re hurting.”

“I’m fine,” Jasper growled softly, though her heart wasn’t in it. There was that soft voice in the back of her mind that whispered _Liar._ Whispered _You’re weak._

Peridot sighed and sank back down into Jasper’s lap.

“I can’t help if you don’t talk about it, clod.”

Jasper looked down, looked away. Peridot’s expression softened.

“I won’t tell anyone. Please, just-- talk to me. Nobody else… _cares_  about this like you and I do.”

Jasper felt her very being pulled in different directions, the voices in the back of her mind telling her that Peridot would lose all respect for her, that she should be so much better than this, that there’s something inherently _wrong_  with her feeling like this-

And then she looked down at Peridot, at the genuine concern on her face, and Jasper’s lower lip quivered. She opened her mouth just a bit and took in a breath, the words balanced precariously on her tongue, and-

Then she turned her head and let out a sigh.

She could feel the way Peridot’s whole body seemed to deflate in her arms, and she didn’t want to look and see the disappointed expression on the smaller gem’s face.

Jasper worried her lower lip, sighed, and finally spoke.

“...it’s Felicity.”

Peridot made a little confused sound, and Jasper could visualize her expression without even looking back at her.

“Felicity? The girl from the cabin across the river that we haven’t seen in like three seasons? The one that is, and I quote, “dumb as a box of hair”? That Felicity?”

Jasper seemed to bristle at Peridot’s question and couldn’t help but snap at her.

“She’s not dumb! Everyone seems to think she is--”

Peridot jumped and folded in on herself a bit in shock. Jasper caught the motion and snatched her anger back, caught the words in her throat. She regained her composure and sighed, looked away, shame on her face.

“She’s… not stupid. She’s… broken. Like me.”

She didn’t want to look at Peridot.

“Broken?” Peridot asked, confusion evident in her voice. “She’s not- you’re not--”

“Remember how she acted any time that other human, Faith, was around?” Jasper asked, just looking out over the water. “The way Faith treated her? Like she was stupid- worthless-- like everything she did was _wrong_.”

Peridot made a soft sound that Jasper took as a cue to keep going.

“Everyone on those websites seem to think that Faith was right. That Felicity was _bad_. That every time Faith said- _those things_ \- like that she’s dumb as a box of hair…” Jasper sighed and shook her head, feeling a little shiver go through her. “I can see how hard she worked to get Faith’s- _approval_. To be told that she’s _worth something_. And all Faith ever did was tear her down.”

“Well-” Peridot started. “Felicity- she’s--”

“Immature. Clumsy. Heavy-handed. Loud. Big.” Jasper growled, mentally going down the list. “Rough. Stupid. Annoying. Ugly. Useless. Lazy. Weak. Worthless. Bad. Wrong.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa-” Peridot started, sitting up and waving her hands a bit. “How many of those posts have you been reading?”

Jasper glanced over at Peridot, then frowned and looked back away.

“Enough to know nobody gives a fuck about how she’s doing now.”

“Well, she- she got sent home for what she did.”

“She didn’t do anything wrong!” Jasper growled.

“Sh-she did hit Faith.”

“She _pushed_  Faith, because Faith was _too close_  and _yelling_ ,” Jasper growled. “And Faith was yelling at her because she messed up _decorating the cabin_  because _Faith wasn’t giving good directions_.”

Peridot seemed to shrink a little in Jasper’s lap. Jasper was getting caught up in her anger, the reminder of everything Faith had done getting her thoughts all snarled up again, the rage rising and tinging everything just the slightest hint of red.

“Faith was being so _cruel_ to Felicity. She didn’t- need to say those things, about how stupid she was, those names she called her, how she couldn’t be trusted to do anything right. How maybe her stepdad wouldn’t have hit her if she could do as she’s told for once.”

Jasper was breathing quickly, anger pumping through her, eyes flashing and gaze almost unfocused, not really _l_ _ooking_  anywhere but within her own mind.

She felt a tremble of fear go through Peridot and it snapped her out of her daze. She shook her head, looked down at the little gem in her lap, and moved to run her claws through Peridot’s hair, almost more to calm herself than Peridot.

“And everyone loves Faith. Because she’s small, and pretty, and she’s “been through so much” after she got lost in the forest for weeks,” Jasper rumbled, the rage dying down to embers as she stroked Peridot’s hair, able to feel the smaller gem relaxing in her touch.

“And even though Faith went home to recover, she got to come back to camp…” Peridot murmured thoughtfully.

“And Felicity is still just… gone. And nobody cares.”

“But you care.”

Jasper glanced down at Peridot, then back out across the water. She nodded and let out a slow breath.

“But I care,” she grunted. “I care about a fucking _human_. And not even a _real_  human. A human in someone’s _story_.”

She could feel Peridot rearranging herself again, and when she looked back down, the smaller gem was facing her, nestled in the hollow between her legs. Peridot’s expression was hard to read, and Jasper found herself frowning a little, eyebrows furrowing and lower lip poking out a bit. Peridot’s head was tilted to one side, her brows furrowed as well. Jasper could almost hear gears turning in her head as she watched Peridot’s gaze shifting around her face like the former technician was having trouble figuring out exactly what Jasper was thinking.

“Isn’t it… good to care about someone like that, though?” she asked softly, confusion evident in her voice. Jasper just looked away, frowning.

“No. I shouldn’t- I’m supposed to be so much _better_  than this. I shouldn’t be this- this _weak_ , this _pathetic_ \-- something shouldn’t- shouldn’t _affect me_  like this--"

“You care about me, though, don’t you? That doesn’t make you weak.” Peridot said with a sort of quiet confidence. Jasper looked down at her and gave a short nod, curling a huge hand under Peridot’s chin and rubbing her cheek.

“Of course I do. But that’s- different. You’re _real_.”

“But you still care. And it doesn’t matter that she’s not real, right? You still hurt. Like I hurt when Percy and Pierre had that huge fight and didn’t talk for half a season.”

Jasper tilted her head to one side, confusion flashing across her face. She looked away after a moment, with a sigh.

“But it’s not… just her. Not just Felicity, but the way everyone treats Faith…”

Peridot settled a bit in Jasper’s lap, making a little affirmative sound.

“Like she’s perfect.”

“Like she’s justified. Like Felicity _deserved_ what Faith did and said to her. Like Felicity was so- _bad_  for her… desperation. For striking out because she was backed into a corner.”

“Wait! Weren’t they in the middle of the cabin?” Peridot leaned back, confused.

“Metaphorically,” Jasper grunted, a little wry smile crossing her face. “Faith wouldn’t let her leave. She just… kept yelling.” Jasper shook her head. “And nobody seems to care that Faith slapped Felicity after she got pushed. Because Felicity _deserved_  to be hit. To be- hurt. Because she was just so _awful _\--__ ”

Jasper could feel the pain rising again, welling up inside her and threatening to overflow into the tears the prickled at her eyes.

“Everyone treats her like a monster. Like every time she tried to fight back, to stand up for herself, that she deserved what Faith did to put her back in her place.”

Once Jasper could bring herself to look at Peridot again, the smaller gem was watching with her jaw slack, lips parted just a bit and pain in her eyes.

“This… really is hurting you, isn’t it?”

Jasper nodded.

“But… why?”

“Because I… feel like…” Jasper shook her head, trying to blink away the tears threatening to fall. “N-nevermind.”

“Jasper. Talk to me.”

Jasper glanced at Peridot again and worried her lip with sharp teeth.

“I… feel like I understand her. Like she’s… me, sort of. Or I’m her.”

“You’re not a human,” Peridot said, the statement more confused than anything else. “You’re… not Felicity?”

“I know _that_ \--!” Jasper snapped, then started and withdrew a bit, the anger gone as soon as it flared. She’d felt Peridot flinch, but once she looked back down at her, she seemed okay, if still confused.

“Anyhow, if you’re like anyone on the show, you’re _Pierre_.”

Jasper furrowed her brow and then gave a little huffy laugh, no real humor in it.

“I can see that. But, something about Felicity… the things Faith did to her, said to her…” Jasper sighed. “I just want her to come back to camp.” She looked out at the moon on the water, eyes growing a bit misty and expression softening. “I just… want her to be okay. Happy. Because maybe that means… I could...”

She shook her head, trying to blink away the tears that were about to fall.

Peridot snuggled up to her chest, and when she looked down at the movement, Peridot was looking up to her with a soft, understanding expression.

“I think I get it. If she’s okay, then you can be, too, right?”

Jasper started a bit and looked away, pausing for a moment before her eyes slipped closed and she nodded, slowly.

“I’m still a monster. Maybe not physically, but--”

Jasper stopped mid-sentence as Peridot sprang up and socked her on the cheek, this time hard enough to actually hurt. Jasper blinked and raised her hand to her cheek in surprise.

“What-?”

“You’re not a monster! If anything, you’re a monstrous _clod_ for thinking that!!”

Jasper pulled back some, her eyebrows furrowing and a confused frown on her face.

“You’re not a monster, and you’re going to be fine!” Peridot said, pushing on Jasper’s chest. “So stop saying that!”

Jasper was more confused than anything else; seeing Peridot so vehemently denying something she knew as a fact--

“You don’t know the things I’ve done! I don’t deserve any better than what I’ve already gotten! If anything, Felicity’s _better_  than me-- at least she didn’t deserve how Faith treated her! And I deserve _worse _\--__ ”

Peridot gave Jasper’s chest another shove, actually growing angry now.

“Stop it! Shut up, you ginormous clod! You didn’t deserve what happened to you, either! You deserve to be happy!” She beat a fist against Jasper’s chest. “Stop being so _stupid! _”__

Jasper pulled back a bit, eyes wide, shocked at Peridot’s violence. She reached down and grabbed Peridot by the back of her top, lifting her easily out of reach. The little gem struggled, still trying to get to her.

“I don’t want you to hurt! I want you to be happy!” She could see Peridot’s eyes filling up with tears, and that more than anything made her pause, made the pain in her chest shift from the ache that thinking of Felicity brought up to a lancing, awful pain at the realization of how talking like this made Peridot feel. That she cared this much--

Peridot deflated after a few more attempts and let herself hang limply in Jasper’s grip.

“I don’t want you to feel like that,” she said quietly. “I want you to be happy like you want Felicity to be happy. What- can I-- is there _anything_  I can do--?”

Jasper sighed and gave her a wry smile, her voice soft and husky as she spoke.

“Think you can bring Felicity back and make everyone see how awful Faith treats her?”

Peridot wiggled a bit, looking up at Jasper and frowning, this time looking more like a bedraggled kitten than anything else.

“I don’t make those decisions, y’ clod! I can’t-” Peridot paused after a moment, blinking dumbly and staring out into nothing for a brief moment before she grew more animated, excitement plastered across her face. “I know! We can act like Felicity is okay! And like Faith got sent home for being a huge stupid mean clod!”

Jasper blinked dumbly, then started laughing.

“It doesn’t work like that!” she said, but for the first time since they’d been talking, she was genuinely smiling.

“Well, I mean- if canon is hurting you, pretend canon is different! We can write fan-fiction! What if Felicity was a gem? She could be a Jasper like you!”

Jasper lowered Peridot back into her lap, still laughing, and leaned back to rest her weight on her hands, belly rising and falling quickly.

“And Faith can be a Lapis Lazuli-!” she said. Peridot scrambled to stand, expression all eager and excited.

“Can Percy be a Peridot like me?”

“Sure!”

“Oh, oh, I can’t _wait_  to see what we can come up with!!” Peridot said, bouncing a bit. “This is gonna be _so good _\--__ ”

As Jasper sat back, listening to Peridot start babbling about the plans already forming in her mind, she had a little lopsided grin on her face.

And maybe, she thought, just maybe, things would work out okay.


End file.
